A Girl of Many Units
by SaranWrappedDaughter
Summary: I was always an anime fan, Hetalia was no exception. If I hadn't given in to such a stupid, plain ad, I could enjoy my week alone. Suddenly I'm playing 'Harem House' with some good looking robots called 'units! Rated T for language and other things.
1. When it Clicks

**Prologue **

**When it clicks...**

"Madison!" My mother shouted into my ear. I winced and turned to face her, rubbing my ear painfully. "What?" I muttered, looking up to her. My Mother was a clone copy of me practically, the blonde hair and loud voice. I acted more like my Father, though, a gamer and jokester who happened to be related to a duchess from Prussia. When I found that out, I began to love Hetalia even more.

"Finally, you turned away from your laptop! Okay, you're brother and I are going to Legofest out west." By that I knew she meant west of where we lived, about a three hour drive, but I said nothing to correct her. She had Hungarian blood, and since my Grandmother had already bopped me on the head with a pan before, I was worried about what my somewhat-younger mother could do with the same pan.

"Your Grandmother and Aunt are coming over to check on you everyday. On school school days tehy'll stay for a while until you get home. Stay out of trouble." She narrowed her eyes at me and I nodded, indicating my understanding. She looked satisfied and waved goodbye. My brother was already in the car, tapping on the window anxiously.

The minute I heard the car leave the driveway I looked back to the screen of the laptop. Destination? I had a few. Facebook, for my roleplay accounts and normal account, along with Fanfiction too. I could do My Little Pony stuff later, this usually came first.

I sighed, scanning the list of alerts that hadn't been updated in weeks. I needed fresh meat. I was to stories as vampires were to blood, simply. So I clicked into the Hetalia – Axis Powers page first. I expected an ad to pop up, but before I could cancel it out I began to read.

_HETALIA UNITS_

_CREATED BY FLYING MINT BUNNY INC._

_FREE SHIPPING_

_NO COST_

_LAST CHANCE_

_00:00:30_

The time began to tick down slowly until it reached twenty before I realized what had happened. This was completely free Hetalia products at my disposal! There weren't any pictures, just the white page with the red numbers ticking down slowly. I bit my lip and decided; _Hey, why the hell not?_

At the ten second mark I filled in the forms. My name, my faked age, my gender, my address all went into the form and sent away. I smiled and leaned back on the counter behind me, smiling. I couldn't wait to receive my first unit.


	2. It Takes Two to Trash It

**Chapter 1**

**It takes Two to Trash**

The next morning I snuggled into my fluffy white bathrobe and slipped downstairs to get some juice and toast. I didn't believe in breakfast – anything that wasn't bacon, that is- but I still needed to eat. It was Saturday morning and the sun was already shining too bright for me. I scratched my head and yawned sleepily, gnawing on my toast.

My cellphone rang, loud and clear. It was a Vocaloid song, actually, so loud I almost plunged off the barstool. It was one of my friends, Lexi. I bit my lip. Did I really want to answer the phone? She would probably invite me over and I would have to decline because I was home alone. I sighed finally and answered."Heyo?" I asked into the receiver. "He~ey!" I heard my best friend's voice on the other end and knew instantly what her question was. "Do you think you can come over?" She asked quickly, not beating around the bush like she usually did. I was about to explain myself when the doorbell rang.

"Hold on." I mumbled, setting down the phone. The bell rang two more times before I opened the door. The delivery man was already speeding down the road, blowing up leaves in its wake. It was almost completely unmarked, a minty green color and two black dots. The flying mint bunny and a small insignia at the bottom corner. I was more enthused about the box at the ground, though. It was topped by a small white packet:

**ALFRED F. JONES: USER GUIDE AND MANUAL**

I stared at it for a good five minutes before Lexi managed to scream loud enough into the phone that I could hear her outside. "Get over here!" She was screaming. I reluctantly left the box outside and picked up the phone. "Dude, I'll call you back." I said quickly, hanging up before she could protest. In a contest between my very own America and my friend Lexi, I knew what I wanted more.

I sat on the rocking bench on the small brick porch, packet smothered between my knees and face, bracing against the cold fall winds all because I was just a very lonely girl. It didn't help I was so lonely I was turning down people who wanted to see me now. I scanned the page for instruction on how to release my new unit from the box, though, too intent on this for anything else. There could be an armed robber sneaking up in front of me and I wouldn't have noticed.

I couldn't think of any patriotic songs we had in the house, and cartoons wouldn't be on for at least two hours. "A British accent!" I grinned, pleased with myself. I was good at those, but the only way I could truly get into a good accent was to say 'wanker' over and over. So I did it quietly until I was comfortable that I sounded English, and turned up the volume on my voice.

"Hey, get up you bloody git!" I yelled, stepping back a few feet for safety. Nothing happened, so I kneeled down and unswitched the snaps holding the box closed. It opened with tremendous force. "Hey, England, I wouldn't be saying that! You know I saw-" He stopped, realizing there was no England here. It was just the U.S, very far from England. That coupled with the fact he was my only unit.

He was astoundingly quiet as I snuck behind him and began programming, trying not to let him move. His defaults were fine, I realized, so I shut the panel and stepped off the porch to get a good look at him. He was definitely there all right, I cocked my head at an angle to see under the brown bomber's jacket. I muttered quietly to myself while he simply stood there, looking around, hands on his hips.

"Hey, you!" He turned so fast I nearly had a heart attack. He was pointing directly at my forehead, grinning like a doof. It reminded me of my brother, I realized, cringing. He hopped off the porch and stuck his hand in my wild morning hair, ruffling it up even more. "Your hair looks funny! Ahahahaha!" I batted his hand away and stepped back. I wasn't sure I wanted the unit anymore. His laugh was going to be the death of me, I was sure of it.

"Okay, so..." I buried my head in the manual, climbing up the stairs and into the house with Alfred just a few steps behind, eagerly trying to cut in front of me to see in the house. He probably just wanted something to break, I realized. "Salesman, Policeman, Bodyguard, Government Official." I sat on the stairs, watching as the man ran around excitedly, chalking up the freshly-painted chalkboard and turning on TV to one of the cartoon stations.

"Alfred! Get out here." I waved at him. He dropped the piece of chalk and raised his eyebrow. "Wha-at?" His face suddenly fell, again reminding me of my brother during one of those rare moments where he actually had to do work. I gulped and sighed. "Nevermind. Just...do whatever." I stepped outside when I heard him return to drawing absent-mindedly.

I had to drag his crates with him. There was the main crate and a second crate just under the porch where I hadn't noticed it blending in. I assumed it was the TONY accessory, and I knew I wouldn't be activating that anytime soon. I was much too scared of his mouth – I couldn't take insults all too easily.

I had the robe strewn on the floor when I lugged the huge boxes in finally. I wiped my forehead and looked back to Alfred, who had just finished drawing. "Check it out!" He grinned, pointing to the chalkboard. Crudely drawn heads were everywhere on it now. I recognized them instantly – England's eyebrows, the Italies' curls, China's ponytail, and one at the bottom I didn't recognize. I coughed awkwardly and tapped it with my finger. "Who's that?"

"It's you, duh!" He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms like it had been that simple. "Look at that crazy-as-fuck hair! You only get that from you!" My head snapped around at him and he took a small step back, still smiling but holding his hands up defensively. "I call it as I see it." Before I could figure out a great comeback, since those took forever for me to come up with, the theme song to the old school Batman came on.

"NA-NA-NA, BATMAAAN!" He started that obnoxious laughter again and tossed the chalkboard eraser at me, connecting with my face and leaving a blue square of chalk dust. I coughed and picked up the eraser, seriously considering chucking it at his head and making a run for it. But it seemed I was the adult currently, I realized, setting the eraser down and sighing reluctantly. I reached into the box and picked out the other things.

I was stuck on his underwear. It was _creepy_ how much he reminded me of my brother. The right balance of obnoxious, childish, and they even looked alike except for his blue eyes. His underwear collection was super hero themed, I realized, loading them onto my own pile of clothes. "Alfred! I'm washing your dirty underwear in the basement!" His answer was a simple 'Whatever, dude!'.

I sat on a chair in the basement waiting for the clothes to dry when Alfred finally came downstairs. "Did your little cartoon end?" I asked in a sappy voice, trying not to laugh while trying to look as pitiful as possible. He looked completely unfazed as he dropped his jacket on the dryer and leaned against it.

"Aren't you a little young to be having sex with me?"

He looked completely serious and I felt my face start to flush. 'What give you that idea?" I chuckled, almost choking. He had to be kidding, he had to! "Well, I've heard from other units that they basically get attacked before they can even enter the house." He dusted off his shirt and sighed. "My body was ready and everything."

It was awkward, to say the very least. We just stared at each other until I shoved him over to get out clothes out of the dryer. He raised his eyebrows and started smiling again, though. "That was awkward!" His hands were back on his hips and his chest was puffed out like he was posing. I kept unloading the dryer until he lightly kicked my leg. "Look at me."He muttered, like a play producer talking to the lead who forgot her lines.

I looked up and he extended his hand. "I'm Alfred F. Jones, but you can call me the Hero!" I ducked my head into the dryer so I'd look like the heat crawling all over my face came from there. This was _embarrassing_ me to no end. This wasn't any shoujo manga, but it sounded like it should've been.

I took my head out and stood up from the floor, taking his hand. "Uh. Madison J. Geiger. You can call me Boss." He shrugged. "Okay, Maddi." "Boss." I corrected, "You only call me boss. I could make you call me master and make it sound sexual." He sighed and tugged at his collar. "Whatever you say, uh, Boss." Upstairs I heard the door open and the sound of eight feet smacking across the tiles, looking for their owner – also known as me.

"Stay here." I put my hands together. "If my Grandmother knows you're here, she'll beat me with a frying pan. She's Hungarian." He almost looked proud but nodded and sat on the dryer. "Whatever~" He reached for the remote control to the basement TV just as I slammed the basement door shut.

"Madison Jean, what were you doing down there?" My Grandmother asked, looking at the open box in the hall. I shoved down my dogs and cursed under my breath. "Laundry. Andrew's and Mine. And that box is..." I stared at it, before getting my idea. "You know how Andrew's been getting those weird bite on his back? Mom just bought a new mattress, so I brought it downstairs." She nodded, buying it, while I scanned the area for Tony's box.

"Well, I brought the dogs back. Feed 'em twice a day, you'll be home in time. I'll come every day except on Thursday." She looked at me. "Lock up." I nodded with understanding. "I brought you some chili and McDonalds. You've still got frozen pizzas and stuff, right?" She asked. I answered with a polite yes and she turned to the door. "Everything seems fine. If you need any help, don't hesitate to call."

The door shut and the car drove away when I finally felt brave enough to open the basement door. Alfred was standing at the door eying my bag of McDonald's when my dogs came over, sniffing him and all around jumping all over him.

I made a can of soup and ate across from Alfred at the dinner table, him attempting to talk with mounds of meat in his mouth. Most of what he said sounded like 'Hbljkhdghchjsd! Kajajajaja!"

"Oh look, ten o'clock, bed time." I stood up sharply. After spending an hour of just observing Alfred sample our video game collection I needed to sleep. It was Saturday night but I could care less. "You're no fun! Calm down and enjoy my company." He mumbled, easily killing Heartless in my Kingdom Hearts I game. He looked to be having a good time at least. I curled up in a blanket and sighed, watching him play until the clock read Midnight and even he looked a little tired. "Bed, Alfred, NOW." He sighed and saved his game. "Well, where am I sleeping then?".There were a few choices – I was going to take my Mom's room for the week. He could take my brother's, mine, or one of the two spares my Aunt and Grandmother used to occupy.

"Come on." I sighed, leading him upstairs. We passed my brothers door and into his room, star-wars and legos and superheroes lined every free space possible. Alfred was grinning when he saw it, bounding forward and laying on his bed. "Thank you, good night, go away~!" He sang, shooing me out of the room.

I layed down in my Mother's room, tossing and turning all night.

I wasn't sure if I liked this.


	3. Of Guns and Glass

**Chapter 2**

**Of Guns and Glass**

"He's just like a little kid." I sighed. It felt a little weird overseeing a grown man sleeping, but I was too used to waking my brother up every morning that I forgot he was even here. It was Sunday morning and Alfred was snuggled under a mountain of Spongebob Squarepants blankets, snoring rather quietly. I shut the door and snatched a brush out of the bathroom next door- yesterday I hadn't even brushed my hair due to the surprise of him. Now I was expecting another, and I had no clue who.

The doorbell rang through the house and I hurried downstairs, pulling out the last tangle. "Miss Geiger?" The Delivery boy was smiling, despite the fact snow was beginning to pile on the ground and he looked positively diseased. I nodded and signed the paper, watching this delivery boy kindly wheel the crate in. "And here's your guide." He smiled, handing over a small packet similar to Alfred's.

**VASH ZWINGLI: USER GUIDE AND MANUAL**

I was stunned, and scared. The Delivery Boy flashed a thumbs up and turn, revealing the little corny wings on his back. Flying Mint Bunny...it was a strange company name, sure. "Your next unit will arrive in two days time, Miss! Block up, orders, it's winter." He waved and shut the door quietly, as if he knew there were other people in the house.

I jumped up onto the barstool and opened the manual, tapping my heel against the table absent-mindedly. How was I going to activate it _this _time? I didn't have a Liechtenstein, er, Lili Zwingli. I couldn't play the piano for crap, and I didn't want to use my brother's old computer to find a recording. My laptop was upstairs charging. I definitely couldn't go shooting anything – all our guns had been taken out of the house a few years ago as a safety precaution courtesy of my Mother. There was one left – just reach in.

I gently pried open the box, trying to keep as quiet as possible. Any wrong moves and my head could get blown off. I remembered to lock the dogs up in the bedroom down the hall last night, so they wouldn't wake him up either. I looked down at the unit and almost cried.

He was so peaceful looking, like a viscous puppy that wakes up and eats the mailman's pants. He was holding his white beret in his hand on his chest, and at the far corner of the box I spotted his famous pink pajamas. The things that sacred me were the rifle laying on his left and the handgun he held in his left hand. This was going to be like defusing a bomb.

I carefully looked around until I saw a little tag on his neck, indicating that's where his programming box was. I was lucky when I'd found Alfred's in his coat, but this seemed almost too easy. I slipped the paper out and stuck my finger into the latch, opening it to the panel and sighing with relief. I could see four unlocked options and settled for _Stingy _and _Happy. _Those were my choices, though, before our other house guest screwed it all up.

"HEEEEEEY WHATCHA DOIN'?" Alfred plunked down next to me in his pajamas. I don't think he realized what I was doing, and he ended up scaring the bejeezus out of me. I screamed and flail-tackled the unit I'd been calmly programming, actively setting him from _Happy _to _Violent_.

At that point,when the panel shut and Vash booted up, I had my face buried in the space between his head, shoulder, neck, and the edge of the box. With my newly-brushed blonde hair, I guessed he assumed that I was merely his little sister, Lili.

"Liechtenstein, get up." He said sternly, prodding my head up. I kept my eyes shut and tried to sound as innocent and feminine as possible. "A-All right, Svitzy." He nodded, picking up the long rifle in exchange for the handgun and left the box. It was then I opened my eyes and realized Alfred was gone.

Great. I had two crazy men walking about my house. Alfred would likely eat everything and anything that moved, and Switzerland would probably shoot anything that had depth. When would my grandma get here? A few hours, hopefully. I rubbed my hands together and began patrolling around the house.

"Alfred!" I yelled. I could hear muffled laughter but couldn't see the damn guy. I crossed my arms and looked to the box still backed in the far corner. "Tony..." I bit my lip. If I activated Tony, I would find America and prepare myself for the worst bullying to come. If I wasn't so lazy I would've continued looking, but instead I puttered over to the Tony box. I ripped it open and pulled out the lanky alien. It was more disgusting in real life, I realized, but it would give Alfred something to entertain himself with.

I flipped the switch to on and dropped the Tony unit to the ground. It looked up at me but said nothing. Before I could say anything, Tony began using all these hand expressions. It looked like a big sign language alphabet, likely composed of insults. Behind me, I heard _that_ laughter.

"Hahaha! Good one, Tony!" Alfred came out from behind my TV cabinet, exchanging a complicated handshake with the alien. I wanted to die. This wasn't good at all. I didn't have time for stupid Aliens or stupid American boys. I'd had enough of the that. I needed to find Vash! My thoughts were answered when I heard the smashing of glass. I started sprinting to the living room and saw the Swiss man swinging his rifle around, smashing various wine glasses. I gripped his sleeve and tugged hard. "Vash! Cut that out!" I screamed. "You're wasting hundreds of dollars in glass!" There was a strong silence and the gun stopped swinging. "...Hundreds, you say?"

I nodded and folded my arms. The gun lowered and he muttered something that might have been an apology before storming off into the room formerly belonging to my aunt, which he slammed. I sighed and started picking up shards of glass of the counter. There were still two shelves and a rack on the ceiling he hadn't touched, so with some careful re-arranging I might be able to keep my Mother's suspicion down – just for a while.

"I'm hungry!" I turned to Alfred, being followed closely by the Tony unit, watching me dispose of the shards of glass. "And what do you expect me to do about it?" I grimaced, not ready to go out and buy McDonalds. "I dunno. I mean, your a chick so you're supposed to be in the kitchen, right?" I looked over to the sink and picked up a clean pan, the one my Grandmother used frequently. I swung it madly, proclaiming "OUTTA MY KITCHEN, FUCKTARD!" To say the least, he left. He left laughing, though.

By noon I was sitting outside of Switzerland's door holding a grilled cheese. "He likes cheese." I reminded myself, tapping the door with my foot. The door opened sharply and he stuck his head out. "What?" I waved the plate around. "Grilled Cheese. You need to eat, you know." He nodded and snatched the plate into the room, slamming it shut again. He'd been programmed to be like the character Vash Zwingli, so I guess he just wanted to be alone and isolated, which would explain why he was acting like an angry teenage boy. I just hoped he wouldn't climb out the window like my cousins had.

"Maddi~" Alfred turned around the corner when I'd literally picked up my sandwich. "When I slept in that bed I got these bug bites _all over_." He started to smile when my grimace set in. "Keep your pants on, I'll help you in a minute." He shrugged and turned away. I could hear Tony talking, something involving "She's a bitch." and more laughter. Confound the laughter.

I finished my sandwich finally and walked upstairs with the manual Alfred had come with. "He adores taking bubble baths with other people..." I read aloud, sitting on the edge of the tub with the water running behind me. My brother and Alfred apparently had the same reaction to the bed, getting strange bumps and itches. We really needed a new mattress.

"Alfred! Upstairs Bathroom!" I yelled, still collecting some of the soap we used in this instance. By the time I finished Alfred was jogging up the stairs unbuttoning his pajamas. By this time I assumed mentioning he was laughing was unneeded, but he was as always. I didn't look up, because if I did I would likely lose my innocence, or the last remains of it.

"Okay, you have to use this cream on your bites, okay?" I raised my arm and he took the bottole from me. "There's shampoo and conditioner in the tub along with body wash, okay? There's toys in a bin over there," I pointed to the little plastic bin filled with small ships and army men. I could almost feel Alfred beaming behind me, but I refused to get up until he got in the tub.

"You sure you don't wanna take a shower with the hero?" I shut the cupboard and nodded. "Not today. Just, get in the tub. Please." It might have been how resigned I sounded that made him listen, plopping down in the tub. I shut the curtain as fast as humanly possible and sprinting out of the room. That is, not before bumping into Tony. "Hey, bitch," He started , raising a hand. I grabbed it and chucked him into my brother's room, slamming and locking the door.

My grandmother would be here anytime now. As long as I could keep Tony locked up, Alfred in the bathtub, and Vash in the other bedroom, everything would be fine. I went downstairs and opened the door, waiting for my Grandmother. She rolled up in her white car eventually, so I hopped outside to meet her.

"Hi, Grandma!" I said, smiling. It _was _really cold, snow was still collecting everywhere. She looked into the house. "Is everything alright?" She asked. I nodded. I couldn't just say "No, Grandma, the angry Swiss man I bought just smashed some of Mom's glasses." So a simple no would suffice.

She nodded and reached into the passenger seat, presenting something hot. "I brought you some soup. I heard there's supposed to be a storm tomorrow. If school is still on, which it will be, I'll come pick you up and take you there, okay?" I smiled and we hugged. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." She got back in the car and sped off.

I got back in the house and filled myself a bowl of soup. Then I quickly filled a small bowl for Vash, I figured if I kept feeding him, maybe I could coax him out of the room. I could use a good bodyguard. I stumbled over to the door to see the plate of grilled cheese on the floor,empty all for a few crumbs, and I could hear the TV on. I knocked on the door and allowed it to open. He was sitting on the little chair, moved now in front of the bed, watching Swiss television.

"Nicht punkt!" I almost screamed when he stood up, waving his handgun around angrily and screaming at the TV. He was watching football, er, soccer. I hadn't heard about this in the manual. He turned to me and furrowed his brow, like I'd interrupted a date. "I brought you soup. It's comfort food." I could feel my legs shaking from the scare I'd just received. He took it without a word and politely asked me to leave. I stepped out and started to laugh in spite of myself. Vash seemed more like the mopey gun channel watcher than anything. Maybe one day I could introduce him to football. North American football, that is.

I had eaten half of my soup when I heard Alfred coming downstairs with Tony. "Maddi, why did you lock Tony up? Huh?" His hair was sopping wet and he looked positively infuriated. "He wouldn't shut up. No real reason, though." I suddenly realized something and spit my soup out. "The dogs!"The shouted, jumping up and running. I hurried to the room where I'd kept them and found them laying on the ground, my youngest dog pawing with his bowl.

I filled their bowls and hopped in to clean up their crap. I probably should have remembered to let them out but I knew I was getting this new unit, so I couldn't have all of them running around. I apologized softly and since I was the bringer of food, I guess they forgave me.

"Bed time, Alfred!" It was only eight o'clock now, but I had school the next morning. He frowned and crossed his arms. "But it's only eight o'clock..." He whined, tapping his foot impatiently. "I don't care, I have school tomorrow." "But Switzerland still has his TV on!" He pouted. I stomped over to the other units room, where the soccer game had ended. He was now watching the gun channel, as planned, tapping his spoon against the empty soup bowl.

I took the bowl and turned off the TV. "Good Night, Vash." I said. He stood up so quickly I didn't realize he'd just turned to TV on again. "I'll go to bed when I want. You're not my boss." I narrowed my eyes at him and turned the TV off again. "Yes, I am. That's my name, in fact, Boss." He switched it back on. "I don't care. My TV, my rules." I switched it off. "My house, my unit, _my _rules." This turned into a five minute straight battle of switching the TV on and off and arguing with each toher until I finally gave up.

"Fine, whatever." I raised my hands defensively and stomped away, slamming his door behind me. So, what was I dealing with now? An ego-freak who loves eating, a cursing alien, and a stingy teenager.

Couldn't get much worse, right?


	4. The Longest Morning

**AN:**

**Hey guys! You may remember my friend Lexi who called me in one of these first few chapters. _She's _actually joining in on the fun now! If you'd please, we'd both love if you'd check out...**

**singer22498 (Her awesome profile)**

**OR**

"**Living with Hetalia" (Her awesome story!)**

**Hvala and Thanks for the wonderful reviews!**

**Chapter 3**

I woke up to my alarm blasting something Vocaloid related. I was up at multiple times that night because I kept imagining everything that could go wrong while I was at school.

The thing that scared me the most was the fact my Grandmother would be over at the house for six full hours while I was at school, and it would be just her and my units.

I really didn't want my Grandma to be shot by Switzerland.

So when the alarm went off at six o'clock that morning, I felt dead. Beyond dead, even. I was a zombie that just kept coming back.

I hastily picked up dark jeans and a blue T-shirt. I didn't bother with any accessories or even snuggling in the covers as I usually did when my Mom was home, or even when my Grandma lived with us.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaake up!" I picked up a spoon and the pan I'd used the previous day to make grilled cheese and banged them together.

It reminded me of camp, how everybody slowly creaked out of bed and realized their extreme hatred of me. But they were just going to suffer.

I could hear movement from the room closest to me downstairs, Vash's, but he hadn't come out yet, even to yell at me. Obviously, he'd realized I was definitely not Lili Zwingli.

I walked closer to his door and banged the spoon harder against the pan. "Move your ass! Let's go~!" I felt like I had a death wish for banging pans together at six in the morning, but I could care less.

The door whisked open and I was popped on the head by a rifle. Not _hard, _per say, if I were an elephant.

I hit the ground and the pan and spoon fell immediately after. I was rubbing my head furiously, waiting for the huge bump that would appear.

"I'm up."

Well, obviously. He was still dressed in his frilly pajamas, meaning he was obviously desperate enough to shut me up that he didn't mind showing off his feminine side. Not that I minded, he looked good.

My first sentence following the smack-down sounded something along the lines of "Blarghjacksdlghderpin."

Vash balanced the gun back on his shoulder and looked down at me condescendingly while I attempted to collect my words again. I finally found them.

"Get in the basement." I hugged the wall and stood up to face him more directly, but he just continued staring.

"Why would I leave the comfort of my room for your damn basement?" I rubbed my head and glanced at the open basement door next to me.

"Simple. This.." I gestured to all around me and stepped closer to the taller Swiss man, who I could tell wasn't liking my closer company.

"Is..." I turned to the basement stairs, smiling.

"MY HOUSE!" I swept my foot under his and pushed as hard as possible. He wasn't that heavy, thankfully, and years of Taekwondo had built my strength up even more. He plummeted, his neck hitting the metal step before he reached the thin carpeted-wood stairs and rolled down. I slammed the door.

One down, one to go. I hoped the commotion down here, namely the door slamming, had woken up Alfred. He was upstairs and slept like a hibernating bear, though, unfortunately. I locked the door the instant I heard very angry German, probably cursing, coming from the basement and rushed to the stairs.

I almost had a heart attack the minute I reached the top step because someone actually came out of the shadows and shoved me. I screamed like I was about to be murdered and covered my eyes, balling up into the corner. Then I heard it.

The laughter.

"Black Belt my ass!" He slapped his knee and leaned against the door frame, laughing. I opened one of my eyes and felt rage suddenly shooting through everyone of my veins. I unpacked him, woke him up, got his little buddy activated, fed him, bathed him, and I offered him a place to stay. It's six in the morning, I was just brutally assaulted by a rifle, and now I'm being laughed at by a boy and his alien.

I was up in an instant, stomping at him. Before he had time to react I tugged sharply on his loose tie, which immediately tightened it around his neck. "Listen up, _I'M _the boss around here. You listen to me right now, Alfred. The next time you try and scare me,or even _cross _me for that matter, I will heave your hunk-of-junk ass out that window," I pointed to my brother's small window. It would be painful to even squeeze through it, let alone fall.

"Got it?" He stared at me and his face fell. "...Hunk of junk?" I wasn't sure whether he was genuinely upset or if it was just an act. I did feel kind of bad all of a sudden. Maybe when I got home we could all go to McDonalds. Switzerland could put on his big girl panties and deal with it.

I hoped.

"Downstairs." I pointed at the floor and Alfred simply sighed and shoved past me. "Bitch." Tony noted, following him, I sighed and walked into my Mom's room looking for some of my Father's old things – movies, video games, anything to keep them occupied down in the basement for six hours. I picked up some of his old war games for the Playstation2 and a few movies.

I got into the basement without Vash trying to kill me. He was polishing his guns in a chair in the far reach of the basement, glaring at me hatefully. "Here." I presented the stack of movies and games to Alfred, who immediately perked up.

"Sweet! These are kinda old, but whatever. Classics." He grinned and looked down at me. "What's this for? Special occasion?" I stepped onto the first stair while still facing the basement. "School. I'll be back in six hours. Don't kill each other." I glared at Vash. "Alfred, share your games with Vash. I'm sure he'd be happy to blow the brains out of anybody." Preferably me, I added mentally. I was definitely pissing him off, but if that's what it took to teach discipline, I'd rather have them fear and hate me then love me. Although, a loving harem of men would be nice.

"What about food!" I almost got chased up that stairs because of Alfred's burning desire to know the answer. "There's cat food in those cupboards and in these bowls. There's water in this dish." I pointed to all the areas where cat food was stored. "_Don't _eat my cats. And come on, dude, it's six hours. You'll survive."

"No I won't..." He groaned. "Yes, you will. See you at three-thirty!" I chimed, running up the rest of the stairs. I slammed and locked the door,smiling to myself. Only a few more things to do.

It was seven o'clock when I'd finished putting the two units down in the basement. I fed the dogs and let them out of their room to seem inconspicuous. I made the bed and stuck the boxes in a closet. I grabbed an apple and waited on the becnh outside for my Grandma to come take me to school.

It was the longest day of my entire life, maybe. I couldn't tell anybody what had happened, so I lied about everything. I felt dirty, but if I told people about my units, they would want them. _I _wanted to be the one with the cool gadgets for once. So I kept them a secret.

When I arrived home my Grandma left a note on the door that she had to help my aunt with my cousins, my very young cousins, and that she cleaned up a bit and made burgers. I opened the door and breathed in the nice warm air.

"Honeys, I'm home~!"

I cheered, kicking off my boots and grabbing the plate of warm burgers off the counter. I opened the basement door and allowed the dogs to sniff the new smells coming from the basement, even though neither would actually go down their. The cats ran up from the underground, and I stepped into the two unit's plains of sight. It was then I met with the warmest greeting of a lifetime.

"I'm _not _your honey, hündin." Vash snorted and turned back to the game I'd given them so long ago. Alfred was asleep on the couch, and God knew where Tony was. In a dumpster, hopefully.

"It's good to be home." I sighed.

**AN:**

**Ohai.**

**Quick translation.**

**Hündin = Bitch**

**Short chapter is short.**

**I'm tired.**

**Next chapter will bring a new unit~**

**Who will it be?**


	5. To Sleep or Not to Sleep!

**Chapter 4**

**To Sleep or Not to Sleep!**

I started to make the men sleep in the basement. During the week, and when my mom and brother returned from Legofest, they would be down there a lot, so they might as well get used to it.

I was extremely tired upon waking up the next morning. I could almost feel my eyelids dropping like weights. I just _had _to go to school though, I realized, looking out the window. Snow was falling at a moderate pace. No alert from the news that it was closed. I sighed and reluctantly got out of my warm bed in exchange for the cold air.

I made toast and cereal. My father was also English, and saying that I couldn't cook wasn't just an excuse. I could NOT cook at all. I cooked as well as a dead hippo. Hippos don't cook. And dead hippos are no exception.

I got downstairs and set up the little wooden TV trays. It was all we had to spare down there except for the fair-sized glass table, but I would save that for when we ran out of TV trays. It would be easier to clean trays than to clean glass. A table made of glass that was inherited from my late great grandmother. She was Hungarian too.

I looked out to the men, still asleep. Vash had crawled into his box, probably to get away from Alfred, the top closed only slightly. His rifle stuck out, threatening anybody who dared to lock him up in the airtight container or to wake him up. Alfred was passed out on the couch, surrounded by a circle of cans that vaguely reminded me of a circle one would create before casting a spell.

I picked them up and threw them in the trash can near the washer and dryer. "Alright, boys, get up." I clapped loudly, which echoed in the barely-finished basement. There was a lot of groaning, but they got up. They would get used to my schedule eventually, I hoped.

"What's for breakfast?" Alfred scratched his head and yawned. I gestured to the little tables and began listing everything. "Some toast- one is burnt. I made two bowls of cereal, Frosted Flakes. That's all we have," I lied, trying to save my Froot Loops for myself. "I also brought down butter, grape jelly, homemade peach jam, and some sugar."

Vash eased the top off the box and looked somewhat pleased, at least. He didn't pay for it, it was cheap, it was okay. I smoothed out my jeans and pulled my hair behind my ears. "Okay? I'll be upstairs for exactly one hour and thirty minutes. If you need anything at all during that frame of time, knock on the door. After that time frame, you're on your own. I'll bring down dry food and drinks soon."

I went upstairs and shut the door. I poured myself some cereal and ate quickly, I collected crackers, cheese, and pepperoni along with water to take downstairs. I couldn't have them drinking no matter what at this point. Before I could even open the door, though, the doorbell rang.

I almost dropped my cargo. I forgot that another one was arriving. All I could think of was _Please, be someone calm and collected and able to shut up. Canada. Get Canada._

I put the food items on the granite counter and rubbed my palms on my jeans. I started to feel sweaty. I must have been more nervous than I felt. I stepped over to the door and opened it. The delivery boy stood there with his dolly, the big truck in the background. Today he was dressed in a big, fluffy winter coat with the Flying Mint Bunny logo and such on it. It was the same color as his regular uniform, though.

"Mornin', Miss Geiger." He smiled, handing the sheet over to me as customary. I saw all my previous signatures and I grimaced. If I could go back in time, to the moment when the ad showed up, I would pull the chair and myself away from the screen until the countdown ended. Not that I didn't like the idea of a gorgeous harem in my basement, but it was tiring me out and I was too young to enjoy the full benefits of the harem.

Soon, though.

Soon.

I signed the paper and handed it back, and in exchange the box was wheeled in and I was handed the manual. I scanned the front for Matthew Williams.

**LOVINO VARGAS: USER GUIDE AND MANUAL**

I almost broke down when the delivery boy left. _Lovino? _I re-read the cover and flipped through the manual,hoping that the cover was really an error and that, at the very least, they meant _Feliciano_.

But no, it seemed I was stuck with Lovino now. I groaned, shoving him across the floor and across most of the house until I managed to stick him in the Guest room closet. The doors shut and I slid down the cool wood, covering my eyes. They would find out sooner or later. Then what would happen? What would my family say?

My Mom had looked over my shoulder while I watched Hetalia a few times and knew only a few things – I was totally crazy about the sparkly male characters, I looked up to the stronger female characters, and the characters were weird. The fact I had a sparkly man gang in my basement would be enough to make my Mom mad.

I needed to relieve my stress at my units. I went into the kitchen, heaved all the snacks into my arms, and went downstairs. I dropped the food on the glass table, turned to my house guests, still eating contentedly, and proudly proclaimed part of the Portal 2 ending theme.

"NOW I ONLY WANT YOU GONE." I then stomped up the stairs, feeling refreshed somehow. It did feel a little better, admittedly.

I hurried outside with my bag and waited for my Grandma as I had the day before, eagerly waiting to get home and check out my new unit. I felt like leaving him in the box would make me a horrible boss – that wasn't acceptable.

I hurried into the house and waved my Grandma off. I locked the dogs up again despite their protest. I opened the basement door to let them know I was home, and I entered the guest room that formerly housed Vash.

I opened the closet and took the manual out, plopping down on the bed and reading. I checked how to wake up my new unit. Cooking tomatoes was a _big _no. I was too worried about pulling on his curl – if it wasn't his "e-zone" it would possibly send him on a berserker streak. So I settled on speaking Spanish, since I'd been taking it for at least five years.

"Lovino! Permítanme tocar el culo!" I stepped back a few feet and said something off the top of my head. I wasn't one to be very proud to speak Spanish since it wasn't my first language, but I said it so confidently I almost felt like I hadn't been the one to say it!

The door slammed open, not breaking, but I didn't see the stomping man come over to grab the collar of my shirt and shake me. Hard. "Eh, bastardo! If you're going to say 'a something vulgar, you might as well sound like a man!"

He stopped the shaking, luckily for my neck and aching head and dropped me to my weak legs. "Oh, you're just a girl." He frowned like he'd been looking forward to strangle Spain for a long time and it was thwarted because of me, a girl of German descent. He could have called me a potato-bastardo. Or even Hasselhoff.

"I'ma sorry," He crossed his arms bitterly and the little curl on his head suddenly sprung out like a coiled spring, waving on the side of his head. He didn't sound like he meant it, but I didn't mind at this point.

I sat back down and started reading the manual while the unit aimlessly tugged at things, muttering curses and being difficult. I wanted to re-program him – but to what? I looked through his options and immediately stopped at the last setting. Horny sounded promising. In fact, if I boozed my units up enough, maybe they'd just stay in the basement.

Thank god.

I thought of the bottles of beer in the fridge, the vodka on the shelf, the wine that was on the racks. I had a lot of choices. I'd save that for a lazy weekend where I could tape it.

I gave myself a good slap across the face. And then another. I was being dirty again – I had to be as pure as virgin snow. The word virgin earned me another slap. I obviously wasn't doing well.

I stood up and pointed to the doorway. "Lovino, go down the stairs." He was busy inspecting an old statue of a colorful clown and didn't seem to hear me. "Stairs, Lovino!" I snapped my finger and clapped but he kept turning the statue over, starting to mutter things again. I could tell he heard me now. I took the time to experiment.

I stepped to his other side and hopped up to his level, gripping his curl firmly in my hand, and tugging down sharply when I hit the ground. He wrenched to the side and dropped the statue. The curl didn't rip off, to my surprise, it was almost rubber.

His face was as red as his trademark favorite food, the color of a ripe tomato, like the kind my Grandpa used to grow before his back got screwed up. He starting thrashing around and kept his eyes closed until his hands made contact with my face. I tugged on it a few more times, smoothing out the curl on the end.

He managed to grab my face and jostled my head around with force. That only made me tug harder, though. He began to pant and sweat until his hand slipped off my face, leaving a sweaty hand print. "Let go! Let go right now!" He panted, slapping around for me again. I pulled the curl and moved behind him so I'd be a little harder to find.

"Are you gonna listen to me?" I asked, giving another tug on the curl. He might have nodded, or maybe he'd just given up, but when I felt his head go down I released the single piece of hair. It instantly curled back to it's perfect place and Lovino stopped panting, letting his face return to normal.

"Figlio de puttana..." He rubbed his temples and sighed. I wasn't ready for more foreign, I reached out and grabbed his collar, tugging sharply. "Move your ass, please, I have things to do and males to feed." He glared at me and bared his teeth, almost out of character, but started walking, slapped my hand off his collar.

"Just because you're 'a not that Spanish bastard doesn't mean you can push 'a me around." He crossed his arms and stomped over to the basement door like a bratty child, which he kind of was in a way. The second I touched the door knob the door swung open and slammed into Lovino, shoving him into the dark pantry area.

Vash was grinding his teeth now. It didn't seem like he would be one to show so much anger, but he looked mad. He'd left his gun downstairs, too.

"I'm _done_, Madison!" "Boss." I corrected. I waited for a blow to the head that never came. "That idiot just finished watching all the Grudge movies, and I caught him trying to crawl into my bed!" Why Vash was trying to sleep at four in the afternoon was beyond me, maybe it was a European thing, but I saw Alfred come striding to the stairs.

"Crawl into _your_ bed? Nonesense! Haha..." He was just behind Vash and seemed to be looking through me rather than at me. America didn't like horror movies or Dora the Explorer, so I had to keep those out of my life. Fair enough, horror movies scared me too. Dora the Explorer got old as well.

"It's okay to be scared," I spread my arms, feeling an involuntary grin creep across my face. "I'll let you hug me, if you'd like." Alfred looked confused for a moment before catching on. At least, I thought he caught on. "Pshhhh, the Hero doesn't get scared. But I suppose since you asked..." He shoved past Vash, who looked ready to break some bones.

I didn't ask for a hug, I actually offered one, but the hug was nice. Very awkward, but nice, I guess. Alfred was starting to smell less like packaging and more like my house, specifically the basement, a mixture of fabric softener and the fresh scent beads in the litter boxes. I tried not to bring too much attention to how I was practically inhaling him.

"Hey, quit it with the love fest, will ya?" I twisted my head and groaned. Lovino had gotten up, probably ready to exact his revenge on my Switzerland unit.

"And you," He passed Alfred and I, where I'd so rudely broken out of our awkward hug and now was watching this unfold. "Why are you just 'a throwin' open doors like you're the ruler of the whole damn place?"

I really wanted to step in at that point and end the fight before it started, but I was curious as to what the other unit would say. It was like my own personal fan fiction. I felt Alfred's hand suddenly grip my head and I could feel it shaking. How such a big guy got so scared was beyond me, but I wasn't exactly rejecting the sudden affection. It would end soon enough, might as well enjoy it.

"I heard you in the other room," Vash began, stepping out the stairwell to meet closer to the Italian. "Why are _you _crying like a pansy just because somebody touched your curl?" I stepped out then. I squeezed between them and shoved until my arms were spread wide enough to keep them away from each other.

"You can both shut up, now, and go downstairs." They kept glaring but obeyed, at least. "I don't want to go down there." I turned to see Alfred trying to restrain his shaking. It was kind of working, but the little Nantucket cowlick he had was still jumping a bit.

"Why?" I felt like I was about to go berserk and throttle everybody. Alfred shrugged. "Well, since you asked me for a hug just a bit earlier, I feel that it is my clear duty, as the Hero, to keep you from getting too scared!" Well, he was good, I guess. I looked at my socks and sighed. "Fine. You two, downstairs." Vash and Lovino continued their staring contest, though, not daring to move.

"I don't want to go down there with this pansy." Vash jabbed a finger at the Italian, who was clearly only getting more pissed with each second. "Why would I want to go down their with that bastard?" He spat back, turning away. "I refuse to talk to talk to him any further." Vash turned as well and stomped into the living room.

That led us into dinner. I threw a frozen pizza in the oven, strategically placed the three countries around the fancy dinner table, and put my head down on the place mat.

When I lifted my head again, the pizza in front of me was almost cold again and the units had disappeared. I looked at the clock on the wall just as it began its hourly song cycle. "Eight o'clock!" I shoved the pizza in my mouth and looked around for the disappeared countries.

I went everywhere downstairs until I came upon Lovino in Vash's old room, having a skirmish with the former owner. "...you kraut bastard!" He'd just finished, giving the Swiss a shove that made him bump back into the dresser.

I picked up the clown statue off the floor and attempted to stay out of Lovino's path of rage. Vash had pulled a gun out of seemingly nowhere, aiming it at the new arrival. I jumped up and practically brained the German country with the little statue, watching him fall over in shock and drop the handgun. I turned to Lovino with my target in mind – his temple.

When the Italian man fell to the ground I put the statue back on the dresser and began maneuvering them around. When I was pulling Vash up onto the bed I heard him mutter something that sounded like "...Austria...bondage..." and immediately began to listen intently. Nothing else came out.

I tugged on Lovino, who wasn't too heavy luckily, until I'd pulled him into the next room, the living room. I pulled him up onto the big chair and shoved the ottoman over, satisfied once I'd covered him with the blanket. Now for one more, Alfred.

I went upstairs and into my room to find him biting his lip and staring at the TV blankly. "...Why are you in my bed?"I asked in the most calm way possible. He shrugged. "Well, you know, since you wanted me to stay with you I figured it would be in your best interest if I stayed here overnight. But, you know you can't expect this every time you're scared." I sighed and shrugged, picking up my pajamas and going to the bathroom to change. I could handle sleeping in the same bed as the guy, but even changing in front of him made me feel uncomfortable. Heck, the Hetalia wall scroll I had in my room made me feel uncomfortable when I'd come in there to change.

I crawled into bed and wrapped myself into a cocoon to lessen chance of contact. I built a pillow barrier between us. Alfred simply didn't mind because he was cuddling with half of my old stuffed animals and was snoring again. I sighed and shut my eyes. It was only nine o'clock at that time, but I was beat.


End file.
